Washington is no Cleveland. ESPN has dubbed Cleveland "America’s Most Tortured Sports City", with its seemingly unending string of agonizing sports losses. Cleveland, 1974, edges out Washington, 1964 on the list of horrific years for cities in sports. But after a brief flirtation with excellence and a run at the Stanley Cup, the Washington Capitals have descended into consistent mediocrity; the Washington Wizards are jokes, among the worst franchises in professional sports; and surely zillionaire adman never imagined the trials he’d endure after buying his favorite boyhood team. What a city with three mediocre teams needs is a fourth to root for, and so DC stole the Expos, giving the good people of Montreal an excuse to shout "Allez les Expos!" one last bitter time. Not to dismiss the thrilling 1925 World Series, featuring the great Walter Johnson, but was robbing Montreal of its miniscule baseball tradition worth the inevitable pundit blatherings about baseball in the nation’s capital, the shameless pillaging of the public trough that stadium deals represent? (And 70% of the city doesn’t even want the team.) Washington is a football town without a decent football team, but the Senators — or Nationals, or Grays, or Monuments — seem unlikely to capitalize on their lack of success; under the control of the 30 other major league owners, the Expos were bled down to nothing. As recently as 1994, they were a powerhouse; last year, they lost nearly 100 games. And so they will rumble into Washington. The last two teams to play in Washington struggled and ended up in Minnesota and Texas. Who knows if the third time will prove lucky? Perhaps DC should name its team not after senators or monuments but after an American hero and a team that, unlike so many others, almost never let fans down.